I Put my Life Your Hands because I Trust You

In my younger years of youthful ambition or rather, greed, I looked upon the Bible character of Isaac and felt only questions and frustration. I’ve always only made a personal liking to the characters who at the end of their journey made an evident victory over their evildoers or at least were pronounced and expressive intellectuals who in various periods of their lives were able to battle and win in the name of Jesus Christ. Someone like Paul the Apostle.

But Isaac? Who was he but a son who willingly and quietly laid on an altar of firewood so that he may be made a sacrifice to the Lord? Besides the story of complete obedience shown so clearly on that altar, what else do people remember him for?

Perhaps some of you will remember the story of Isaac successfully digging wells everywhere he went, only for those wells to be stolen by nomads or villagers in that area.

Some of you may also remember that Isaac too, like his father Abraham, told Pharaoh that his wife was his sister so that he may be saved. Ah, and perhaps also the story of how Isaac married the woman chosen by his father’s servant!

But besides these few, his story, though unquestionably a major part, never quite seemed anything like the elaborate and intense narrative of the other more “vivid” characters in the Bible.

It was only until my arms were completely chained and my feet shackled that I remembered the story of Isaac. My chains were already choking my neck, and the pain was unbearable. Life or death, it was. Nothing in between. All doors in my life seemed closed shut. Darkness enveloped my life and a form like death seeped into my bones.

Yet, like a sudden gust of wind, the story of Isaac knocked a door in my tight-closed chest. It was as if a dust-covered book suddenly came to life and before me was a wisdom I was not, until now, ready to learn.

Was I kneeling before the Lord, praying like Jesus did before the Cross, that God’s will be done? If I truly say I believe in the Lord, in Jesus Christ, have I submitted completely and have retained not even a little, not even an ounce of myself? Or have I conceitedly applied the Almighty God to the schemes of my desires instead of submitting to His great and Good will?

And therefore, what was repentance all along if I had only asked God for grace for the chance to sin again? Have I  asked for heaven when within me I retained that little bit of hell?

Then, I remembered the story of Isaac, that righteous humility to leave everything up to God. Like a lamb, he quietly followed the path to his cross, without once putting forth his greed for life on earth. To every land he invested his work and discovered prosperity (the wells), it was stolen by thieves who steal the work of others and make it their own. And like a mute, he did not fight back. He was able to let go of “possession”, made his by his work and sweat. He did not question God and ask, “God, why give me the opportunity to find, to dig, to build, to invest my work only to take it away from me?” Tell me, what brave and faithful person can let go of something they treasure so much? A well, water, signifies a source of life. If I were to be cut off from my source of life today, the source that feeds me day to day and what I believe I need in my life, could I faithfully let go of it when God takes it away and believe that God has prepared a new way for me?

I stopped and looked at my hands, holding on to the chains and shackles of my greed. My desires. My wants. My belief that I knew what was best for me. I repented for the obvious sins I sinned, not knowing the underlying sin of trying to play God in my own life.

I ask you today, do you really trust In God that He has truly prepared a better way for you? Even if that path is not necessarily the path of your dreams and desires? Can you let go of things you think you need in life when God says to, believing that He has prepared a better way? Or will you be like the rich man that asks Jesus, “what can I do to receive salvation” and walks away from the truth when Jesus says:

“go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven:and come, take up the cross, and follow me.” (Mark 10:21)

To give up the self and to follow Jesus… this was what Isaac had done. C.S. Lewis says:

“The more we get what we now call ‘ourselves’ out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become.” Mere Christianity

Now, I ask myself, who was the wiser man? The one who constantly battled with the Lord to finally submit to His will? The man who began as a persecutor of believers and than was struck blind so that he may learn of the true God?

They are all wiser than anyone can judge, but it is now I understand Isaac a little bit more and why God was pleased in him.

The story of Isaac does not show much drama, and in his complete submissiveness to the Lord, his life seemed to me all too boring to make any human connection to. Of course I understood the teachings and the theological importance his story had to my faith. But in developing any further reason to declare I wanted to be more like Isaac, it was not so.

But how blind I was! In my struggles I have come to face again a fraction of the whole Truth that even in its small comparison to the Whole, is ever so monumental. And how blind I was because all along, the Truth was right there. Never moved. Never changed.

Let me leave this post with a quote by C.S. Lewis about what it means to truly trust God:

“…handing everything over to Christ does not, of course, mean that you stop trying. To trust Him means, of course, trying to do all that He says. There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already.” – Mere Christianity

May we all trust in God.


Do you love Me?

As Christians we always know and say that we love God. We confess our love to Him through words and actions– we go to church, read Bible, listen to sermons, give charities in His name, and pray–all as ways of expressing our love and devotion for Christ. We say we want to devote our life to glorify God because we love Him. And many of us, especially young Christians, are inspired to become success in the secular world because we are told to become the Light and the Salt of the world. So we are driven to become the best in our work fields.

Simon Peter, a disciple of Christ, was probably just like us– always confessing his love for Jesus. Peter even left his wife and children to do the work of Christ. But one day Christ approached  Peter and challenged his love. He asked Peter if he loved Him. Peter answered that he did and that Christ knew of it. Then Jesus told him to “feed My lambs.”

Here, I found it to be strange that Christ had asked Peter to feed His lambs when Peter was doing His work all along. Soon for a second time, Jesus asked  Peter again if he loved Him. Peter repeated the answer that he loved Christ and that He knew of it. Jesus again replied, “tend My sheep”. 

When Jesus again asked Peter if he loved Him for the third time, Peter is hurt because Jesus had asked and doubted his love for Him three times. Grieved, Peter told Christ that He knew all things and that He knew his genuine love for Him. Christ then told Peter to “feed My sheep.” Jesus indeed knows that Peter loves Him with all of his heart. What is Jesus really trying to tell Peter here?

In the following verse, Jesus reminded Peter of his past and said that when he was younger, he had the control of his life and lived by his own will. But when he is old, he would have to do things he would not wish to do and be carried to places where he would not wish to go. Jesus finally told Peter to “follow Me.” The question here is for us: “Can you still follow Him?”

I often mistake loving Christ with loving the glorious promise that’s sealed within believing in Him. We often ask God to give us a glorious life so that we can glorify Him. I have never asked Him to give me a difficult life so I can glorify Him. But what Jesus tells us through the above Scripture is different; loving Him would require us to walk the path that we often wish not to go.

Can we still love Him? Can we still follow Him?  Will you stop feeding and tending your own dreams and wishes, and start feeding and tending His sheep? Will you give up the control of your life and really obey and live by His will?

Jesus asks us again today, “Do you love Me?”




What is your answer?

Scripture: John 21:15-19 


*A daily reflection from Rev. Goshen Choi’s sermon 9/22/2013